


I Won't Get Hurt (When I'm Dreaming of You)

by chant_de_lune



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Despair, Dreams, F/M, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6531511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chant_de_lune/pseuds/chant_de_lune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace Wayland, alone on a ship that's destined for evil </p>
<p>"You can only bottle up so much before it all hits you at once."</p>
<p>(Sizzy and Malec mentioned briefly)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Get Hurt (When I'm Dreaming of You)

“Rest, son. Even Shadowhunters need sleep.”

Valentine clapped Jace on the shoulder as he led him to the sleeping quarters of the ship. Jace collapsed on the bed as soon as the door shut behind him, locking him in solitary. He curled into a ball, knees to his stomach, and started shaking. He was alone, trapped.

_I couldn’t even put a scratch on him._

His hands clenched into fists, tempted to punch the wall. Echoes of Alec and Clary’s words came back to him; This isn’t you, you’re not him. You’re a good man, not a killer.

The memories cooled his anger, but his heart swelled with grief.

_Alec, Izzy, Clary, hell, even Simon and Magnus.…gone._

They were safe, he made sure of that. Yet glancing around the cold walls of his cell, Jace had no plan for how he could escape, how he would come back to them.

_I guess this is forever._

He recalled his last memory of those he loved, how he held them back, even though they wanted to fight off Valentine and whisk him away to safety; Isabelle, watching him go with sad, weary eyes, Alec, trying not to cry, and Clary, _oh brave, beautiful, reckless Clary_ , running after him, tears in her eyes. He exhaled, mentally thanking Alec for catching her before she was lost in the portal’s limbo. Then it dawned on him.

_I’m never seeing them again._

Moments that he had never dwelled on before suddenly emerged in his mind. He would never get another chance to hear Izzy’s sweet laughter, like harp strings plucked in a chord. No more secret adventures out of the Institute to the local bars, wingmanning each other. Never again would he feel the strong current that ran underneath his skin when he trained with Alec. His _parabatai_ bond felt as weak and vacant as it had been since before the wedding. Jace felt a lump start to swell in his throat.

_You’re strong but they make you weak_ , Valentine’s menacing voice snaked through his mind.

The thought only made him feel worse, waves of shame creeping over his arms and core.

_They don’t deserve you. You’re a monster and I wouldn’t be surprised if demon’s blood ran in your veins._

He pushed his face deep into the pillow.

_No one can see you, let it out now._

And so he did, shedding a soul’s worth of tears as he lamented. The dam he had created in his mind burst and kept breaking away with every passing minute. He kept his sobs quiet, lest anyone outside his door should hear. At some point, he slipped his shoes off and sought little comfort underneath the coarse blanket. Longing for his soft bed at the Institute, Jace shut his eyes, droplets still running down his face.

_Please, sleep take over, I can’t handle this anymore. Send me somewhere happy._

Amazingly, it did. After about ten minutes, he fell into a deep slumber.

And he began to dream.

 

Water swirled around his waist, though his feet were firmly planted on the ground. He saw Alec’s smile in front of him; Alec, who was looking up at Izzy sitting on his shoulders. Jace then felt a weight on his shoulders. It was Clary, laughing and trying to push Izzy into the water.

_Were… were they Mundanes?_

They were obviously in a pool, the girls’ bathing suits made that apparent. Jace looked closely at Alec. The runes were still etched in the same places on his skin, but the textures were slightly off. They were human tattoos.

_Must be another alternate universe_ , Jace thought with a small smile. At that moment, the girl’s tussle knocked both of them over. Izzy and Clary soon resurfaced, grinning as they splashed him. His head ducked under the water, and the scene shifted.

 

There were all in a room, sitting and watching a film that he did not recognize. Alec was laying on a love-seat, Magnus resting next to him, head on Alec’s chest. Jace was sitting on a couch, in between Simon and Clary, with Izzy sprawled out across their laps. His arm was around Clary’s shoulders, and her head rested on his shoulder. One of her hands was interlaced with his, and the other was gently brushing Izzy’s hair away from her face.  Jace glanced to his left, and Simon smiled at him, his hands massaging Izzy’s feet. A head turn away, Alec had caught his eye, also giving him a soft smile as he hugged Magnus closer.

_This… this is good._

He let his arm drop from Clary’s shoulders to wrap around her waist. She in turn nuzzled deeper into the collar of his shirt, breathing in deeply and sighing.

_This is amazing._

 

The scene shifted again and he was in a camping tent. The crickets chirped steadily with the faint sound of a crackling fire nearby. Jace felt movement next to him; he blinked and suddenly Clary was there, tucked against his side and wearing a T shirt that was definitely his. His body went stiff.

_This is crossing a line.... wait, is it?_

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he said.

Clary laughed and replied, “Sure Jace, like Simon isn’t cosied up to Izzy, telling her he’ll protect her from bears. And Alec isn’t trying to have the quietest camp makeout session with Magnus right now. We’re fine.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. In a trance, Jace seemed to lose his inhibitions, and he kissed her soundly, embracing her tightly.

_Alternate universe it is. To hell with everything and everyone else...._

 

 

He awoke with a start to loud voices and a fist hammering on his door.

“Get up, get up Jace!” yelled Valentine through the wood.

Jace sprang out of bed immediately, Institute routine dispelling the drowsiness from his muscles. He laced his boots, trying to brush away the dreams for which he longed. They persisted, floating around his mind teasingly. He took a deep breath.

_If this is a mission, what is my job?_

The answer came to him easily.

_I have to dismantle the target from the inside, gain trust and break the ranks. Be ready if backup arrives_.

The idea of having someone rescue him made his heart do a somersault. Jace straightened up, going to the door. He let out a shudder as Valentine’s words came screaming back into focus, but he ignored them, opening the door.

_I’m going home to my family, just one more obstacle in my way._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this was my first fic for Shadowhunters! I watched the season and loved it, had to write something for poor Jace.  
> I haven't read the books, so I based his characterization on the show. I hope I did him justice. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please comment!


End file.
